Conversation, Prayers, and a Picnic Table

Prior to this past weekend, it had been six months since our last visit to see Russell, and during that last visit, as has been the previous visits for the last three years, we talked to Russell on a telephone separated by glass. On Saturday, we finally got to sit down with Russell and visit him at a picnic table again.

Russell got his G2 status revoked after our first physical contact visit three years ago due to some poor choices, so Beverly and I have stayed on him to not get himself in any trouble and stay "case free" so we could meet him at the picnic table for Saturday's visit. We told Russell we are tired of visiting him through glass, and that he has to work on making good choices himself, since obviously we can't do it for him. Russell promised us he would start working on that, and that he would let us know when he got his G2 status again. About four weeks ago and after three years of "behind the glass visits", he sent Beverly a card that simply said, "G2 status is back and you both have been approved for a physical contact visit."

In prison, only family members are eligible for physical contact visits, and since neither Bev nor I gave birth to this boy, we aren't considered family, and therefore shouldn't be eligible for a physical contact visit...ever. The great thing though about being a kid's teachers, is that we feel like family since they are with us for the majority of their school day, and even more so, we consider our students as our own. With Russell; however, we truly have become his family now, and I don't think it's premature to say, Bev and I are all he has. Russell's mom has been to see him one time in the 11 years (next month) he will have been in prison. I have no doubt there are reasons of her own she has been unable to visit him, and I don't for a second discredit her love for her son, but something, whatever it is, has prevented her from being able to visit. Because of that, Beverly and I feel an even greater sense of being there for and encouraging Russell over the last eight years we've been writing and visiting him. And with Russell now being a year away from his parole eligibility, we feel an even greater sense and need to continue being there and encouraging him.

Russell thinks and talks a lot now about being paroled and being able to enter the "free world." Now that he has G2 status again, he's gotten a job working in the chow hall, and is understanding the value of hard work and consistency. He is even about to sign up for a vocational course in either HVAC or carpentry. When he completes the course, the prison has a little "graduation" ceremony, and Bev told Russell that we will definitely be there. He just looked at us and said, "You two would come for that?" We just looked at him, smiled, and said, "Of course we would...we wouldn't miss it."

Russell told us that when he makes parole, he doesn't want to take anything with him from prison, except his mail and pictures. Since we have already told Russell that we'll be there when he makes parole, he asked us if we could take him to get new clothes. Bev and I just grinned and told him that yes, we'll take him to get new clothes. I imagine after all these years of only wearing white elastic pants and a white shirt, he's pretty excited to one day (hopefully soon) put a pair of jeans on. It's funny the small things we take for granted living in the free world, but we also know that not having those small freedoms is the consequence of choices made. 

After about an hour and a half into our visit, Russell had to excuse himself to use the restroom. While he was gone, one of the guards walked over to the prisoner who was seated next to us to tell him that his visitation time was up. The prisoner's guests got up, hugged him, then walked to the exit. Once a prisoner's guests have left, the prisoner must remain at the picnic table until a guard comes to escort them back to their cell. This prisoner was getting ready to leave when he stood up and introduced himself to Beverly and I. We introduced ourselves back, and then he told us that he knows Russell and that they have shared a cell block several times throughout their years in prison and have gotten to know each other well. He then looked at us and said, "I want to say thank you both for what you're doing for him. I can't begin to tell you what that means to us in here. Russell talks about how his former teachers come to visit him in prison, and it's nice to finally meet you two." We thanked "Gio" and then told him that our time with Russell has been just as wonderful for us. Russell came back soon after and we had a terrific remainder of our visit with him, until the guard came to tell us our time was up. We hugged Russell, told him we love him, and we'll write and see him again soon. 

Bev and I will continue on this journey with Russell, keep him in our prayers, and of course look forward to more times of great conversation...and a picnic table. 

Hope

Seven years ago when Beverly and I first reached out to Russell and then traveled to New Boston, TX for our initial visit with him, we knew our relationship with (a then) 18 year old Russell would continue well beyond a two hour "behind the glass" visit.  We realized then that we were in it for the long haul.  We were truly invested in this kid we had grown to love since he was 12 years old and a student in our English and Reading classes.

Russell first entered prison, charged as an adult, when he was 15.  He just celebrated his 25th birthday on June 2nd and has now spent 40% of his life behind bars.  He is eligible for parole for the first time on February 19, 2020, which means he will have served half his sentence and be 27 years old.  Typically prisoners with his conviction don't make parole the first time, but there is a hope we hold in our hearts that he possibly will.  See, the longer Russell spends in prison, the more difficult (Bev and I feel) it will be for him to acclimate in the free world.  Having entered prison at 15, charged as an adult, has made Russell grow up pretty fast.  He mentioned this when we visited with him on Sunday. 

Russell doesn't normally talk about parole, but I suppose since it's now not that far off in the future, he is starting to think about it more and more.  Beverly and I always try to be real and very honest with Russell about the likelihood of him making parole this first time, but to be truthful, we hope he does.  Russell mentioned how different he is now that he's 25 and has been in prison the last ten years.  He talked about how he didn't know anything at 15, but sure thought he did, and how now he realizes how much time affects maturity and decisions made.  I had mentioned in my previous blog how Beverly and I were waiting for Russell to make it to G2 status so he could join us at the picnic table and we could finally have a contact visit.  Well, he did make it, and it was absolutely wonderful to be able to hug him and sit with him and visit without a glass barrier in between us.  Unfortunately our picnic table time was short lived, because Russell ended up getting into trouble and got his G2 status revoked, so for our last two visits, we were back to visiting him behind glass.

There always seem to be setbacks in prison; setbacks that are typically self-induced because of poor choices, idle time, and sadness.  This is what seems to get Russell into trouble, and why we haven't made it back to the picnic table yet.  One thing I can tell you is that when Russell does mess up, he cannot stand to let us know out of fear we will be so disappointed.  And I'm not going to lie, Beverly and I get very disappointed with Russell at times when he messes up, but one thing he knows for sure is that we never love him any less.  Because Russell has never had consistency in his life, I can imagine there is a fear that we will give up on and abandon him just like the majority of adults he's had in his life, but no matter how busy our lives get with grandbabies, work or school commitments, when we see Russell, we remind him that we aren't going anywhere, that regardless of the situation or the occasional setbacks, he's stuck with us. 

Last Sunday during our visit, Beverly got up to go get Russell another drink from the vending machine.  When she returned and put the phone back to her ear, Russell said to us, "I just want to thank you again for all you have done for me Mrs. Barfield and Ms. Edmunds.  You two are all I have, and I love and appreciate you."  The feeling is definitely mutual.  Russell has become a part of Bev and I.  We love this guy beyond words and have a positive hope for his future.  We know it won't be easy, and that Russell will need a strong support system and guidance when he does make parole, but  Bev and I are committed to him, and we are all three on this journey together.  

So, there is still work to be done, time to continue to be served, and most importantly...hope.

Deep Breath

My how it's been a long time since I blogged about our journey with Russell! Not because we don't have anything to share or things haven't happened since the last post, but really more because life and all its scheduled commitments have a tendency of getting in the way.

Beverly and I made a pact with each other when we first reconnected with Russell, that we would make sure to visit him at least three times a year. Once in August before school starts, once at Christmas time, and always on or around his birthday on June 2. This was our annual birthday trip to visit Russell, since his birthday is Monday and he turns 22. Remember he's been in prison since he was 15, so he's creeping up on seven years so far behind bars. Seven years and many more to go.

It took a while to actually get through security to see him because their computer system was down, which made them have to do everything by hand. When a guard has to look up your name on the printed out visitor list and make a phone call to the main visitor station, it takes a bit longer. Once we got through the first check point and made our way across the barbed wire walkway and into the second check-in station, we handed the guard our driver's licenses and they gave us Russell's printed visitor sheet that shows everyone who is on his visitor list, the dates he has had visitors, and his current "status." If you remember when we first got back in contact with Russell almost four years ago, he was in segregation. That means he was in an isolated cell with no roommate, couldn't go outside during recreation time, and when he had visitors, had to be brought to another individual cell, handcuffed. I'll be honest, but that was always difficult for Beverly and I to watch.

In prison, it's all about your level status, and the status any prisoner (I hope) wants to reach is what is called G1/G2. At this level, you can have physical contact visits with family members, make phone calls, work to make some money, and at times enjoy some nice treats from the commissary. When prisoners get to have physical contact visits, they occur at little picnic tables situated throughout the inside of the visitation area, as well as outside where a prisoner and his visitor can enjoy some sunshine. After visiting Russell in segregation many times, we told him we were sick of him being in seg, so it didn't take long for him to make G4 status. He actually wrote and told us he had a surprise for us, but wanted to tell us in person, so the time we went to visit him for our surprise, it took us a little while to figure it out. It wasn't until the guard told us what number section to sit in and we actually sat down, that we realized we weren't sitting in the small segregation visitation cell area. Beverly and I just looked at each other and let out a scream and yelled, "He's not in segregation...that's our surprise!" When Russell came walking down on his own with no handcuffs, we screamed again! He just smiled and said, "Surprise!" We knew Russell was on a great path to improving himself and his time behind bars. Not long after that, we got a letter from him telling us he made G2 status, which meant we were definitely on the right path to making it to the picnic tables!

Today when we took his visitor sheet to hand it to the guards at our final check in station, we noticed it said G4. That could only mean that Russell did something to get in trouble and get his G2 status revoked. When Russell finally came down to sit at our station and we all picked up the phone, the first thing he said was, "I got into some trouble and I'm G4 again." Because Beverly and I keep on Russell to make good choices all the time, he always gets embarrassed to tell us when he messes up. And he always apologizes to us. We asked him what happened, so he told us. Every now and then, the guards will do a sweep of the prisoners' cells, and when they do, it isn't done very neatly. When they came in to sweep Russell's cell, they ended up throwing his clothes over the railing, where they landed on the concrete floor three stories below. This didn't make Russell very happy, so he decided to go running down the stairs to retrieve his clothes, but when he did, a female guard, who was in front of him, thought Russell was charging at her, so she whipped our her pepper spray and gave him a few squirts. Russell swears he was just rushing down the stairs to get his clothes, and kept repeating to us that he would never hurt a girl. Bev and I believe Russell, but what we expressed to him is that if someone doesn't know him, they would definitely think he is scary and capable of doing harm because of the way he looks. Because of that incident, Russell spent two weeks in solitary confinement and lost his G2 status. He tried to fight the charge and get it dropped, but they denied it. Beverly and I explained to Russell that he has to get a grip on his emotions because regardless of what he thinks is "fair" or whether or not he actually did what he is (or might be) accused of, he will never win in there. We told him that the next time something like that happens, and it probably will, he just needs to take a deep breath and give himself some time to get his emotions in check. A moment of anger or what Russell deems fair or unfair, isn't worth losing what he's worked so hard to accomplish. He promised it wouldn't happen again, and when he comes up for G2 status in October and gets it, he'll make sure to not let it go.

We really had a great visit. Despite a setback and some disappointment, Russell is still on a much better path than when he first entered the system. All he needs to focus on now is taking some deep breaths...and a picnic table.

Russell's Advice

     As teachers, we don't go into this profession blindly; we know it is a calling and a career that is not meant for everyone. We are education warriors hoping to impact the lives of students each year. It isn't always easy and we aren't always successful in making sure our students turn out okay, but what matters the most is that we care about them, we love them, and we try to make a difference.

     Beverly and I, and the other teachers Russell had during his time in middle school, all tried to do just that. Despite all of our efforts, our plans didn't end up saving him.   

     I told you in my last blog, I decided to ask Russell that if he could give any advice to kids like him who frequent my office and have similar home lives like he had, what would he say to them? I told him about a student at my campus who reminds me a lot of him, and it is my hope that when she leaves our school, she turns out okay. I wasn't sure how or if he would have any advice, but his reply proved otherwise. I won't retype his entire letter, but here is Russell's advice to kids:

"I think that you could help her by showing her that you care. I think that she's angry because of her home life & doesn't get enough love. I think that you should keep talking to her. Maybe pull her out to see how she's doing. I don't know, but if you just talk to her when she's getting in trouble, she might think that's the only time that y'all can talk about things. She's 14, still real young, so it could be who's she's chilling with. I would never admit it to my mom when she said it, but friends influence each other. I chilled with older cats & my brain was like a sponge, soakin up the game. Part of it could be from her just wanting to be accepted, you know? If I could give some advice to her or kids like her I would say...that one day they'll regret all of these things that they're doing now. Stay in school because that's the foundation they'll build their adult lives on. These days you can't do anything without at least a GED. I would tell them to stay out of the streets. Go to the Rec, get involved with sports, or anything that will keep them busy. I'd tell them that one day if they don't change the path they're taking, they'll be where I'm at. I had a bad home life, but I know that if I would've stayed out of the streets & kept playing football, I wouldn't be here. I hope that they do stay out of trouble, because I don't want to see anyone in here, especially when it could be avoided.

     No, as teachers we can't save them all, but we can sure try!

A Summer Letter

With a new school year comes new change and new hope. It's been a while since the last blog because I started the school year out with new change as an assistant principal. Beverly started the new school year with the chance to watch her precious granddaughter one day a week. With our new change, we realized it would take a while before we were able to get to Abilene for a visit with Russell, so in the meantime, we continued writing him. Bev and I always look forward to getting a letter from Russell, and when we do, we immediately call each other to share it. The following letter is one I couldn't wait to share with her.

In Russell's own words, here is his summer letter:

Mrs. Edmunds,

     Hey! I just got your letter with the pictures tonite, (6.14.12), & I just barely got Mrs. Barfield's card yesterday. The mail room is real slow here & they are not supposed to hold onto our mail for more than 24 hours, but they do anyway, so I'm sorry it's taken a few to send you a reply letter. I wrote Mrs. Barfield right after the visit, & I wanted to write you too, but I didn't have your address before now." If you remember in my last blog, Russell was transferred to a prison in West Texas, so three bags of his personal belongings were left behind, which had some of his addresses in it. He now has those belongings back, which is good. He goes on to ask us what type of drawings we like because he would like to do something for Bev and I, and he wonders if we have seen any books around "with drawings in there like tattoo art?" He continues, "I need a book like that. See I draw in pencil, but I can't draw things straight out of my head. I need to be able to see it. I've got some good ideas, but when I try to do it straight out of my mind, it doesn't look right, & drawing's something that I really want to learn how to do." He then goes on to tell us about the types of things he enjoys drawing and is getting better at and asks if we know about any books that might help him. Russell then says, "IDK (I don't know) but I want to send something to show appreciation for what y'all have been doing for me. Like I told Mrs. Barfield in the letter I wrote yesterday, I feel like since y'all have stepped in, that things have been going good for me. Y'all brought happiness & some kind of peace into my life. It was more for y'all than me that I got out of "seg," because I was getting sort of comfortable back there. I was gonna get out eventually, but before y'all came, I was just doing my time. I wasn't getting in trouble out there, but I was really just adjusting to life in "seg" and that's not good. I never want to feel comfortable in here at all, because I'm not "institutionalized." I hurt inside because I know that I left good people & good things out there in the free world. I'm building a "support team" in here that started with you & Mrs. Barfield, & it makes me feel good & like I'm loved and cared for. The only person I had when I 1st came down was Ronnie (a man who mentored Russell when he was still at TCJC), & he's been a good friend, but he wasn't just "there." The feeling I have with you & Mrs. Barfield isn't something I've experienced before, & all these different factors that have been going for me for the last 4 months have been things that have kept me on my toes, because I care for all of y'all that have been keeping it real with me, and I don't want to hurt or disappoint y'all." I think the line that tugged at Bev and I the most is when he said that what he has with us isn't something he's ever experienced before. Russell should have experienced that. Every child deserves to experience that. If anything, we are just glad he's experiencing it now, even if it's at the age of 20.

     Before school ended of this particular year, several of us at NRMS participated in the Warrior Dash in honor of one of our beloved teachers battling a brain tumor. I sent Russell some pictures from the race. He said, "So what exactly was the mud dash? Is it a race in the mud? I thought y'all were crazy in that picture! LOL! :) I saw it and said, "Man, what is this?" & busted out laughing! I thought it was cool though, & I'm glad y'all had so much fun. It was in Mrs. Worrell's name & that made it even better. Once the school year ended, me, Bev, Robin, and Barbara went on our little annual girls' trip. This time it was to Hot Springs, AR where we did some sightseeing and participated in a mineral hot bath. Barbara and I absolutely hated it, and by the time we got in the car to head back to Fort Worth, I had the most horrible headache. I told Russell about how it was supposed to be so wonderful, and I guess it was for Beverly and Robin, but Barbara and I truly found it quite torturous! Russell said, "So, how does that water flow from the mountain in Hot Springs? Does it come from like a hole & flow into a pool type thing, or is it with pipes & all that? I probably would've liked it because I'm cold & always loved hotter weather. I don't like the cold because it messes with my hands & ankles. Maybe I have arthritis." Bev and I just had to laugh at that one! "I just don't know. Maybe you had a headache because of that mineral bath."

     Well, thank you so much for the pictures and the card! :) I can't wait to see y'all again. I've still been staying out of trouble. I hope to hear from y'all soon. Take it easy & drive safe. God Bless!

Sincerely,
Russell A. Dow


Beverly and I journeyed to West Texas before this school year began. At the time, I hadn't yet gotten my new job as an assistant principal. After I got the job, I wrote to Russell to let him know how the job was going, and to ask him if he had any advice to give to the kids who frequent my office, and in some instances, have home lives similar to what Russell had. In the latest letter I got from him, Russell did share some rather poignant advice to help kids from tough situations not end up where he is.

I'll share that with you soon.

A Birthday Visit

I have never been one to eagerly embrace change. I am comfortable with what I know, and in that comfort I find peace, and all is right with my world. I realize change is necessary at times though too, so when Beverly called me one day to tell me that she received a letter from Russell saying he had been moved to a new prison, we both had to refocus our perspectives on how this change could be good for him and us.

Being the positive people we are, Beverly and I worked hard to build relationships with the guards at the previous prison Russell was in. We made this happen with smiles, stories, laughter, and of course some delicious cupcakes we brought to them on one visit. We dreaded having to start the entire process again as we journeyed to West Texas, this time for our visit with Russell on June 2, his 20th birthday. 

When we arrived, we excitedly greeted the new guards with our warm, genuine smiles and bubbly personalities. The guard asked us who we were there to visit and what his number was. We told him we were teachers visiting a former student, and that he had been recently moved from a prison in Northeast Texas to this new one. We then had to pop the hood and the trunk and get out of the car so they could search it. Once that was over, we found a parking spot, got our change in hand, and headed to the entrance. We always try to dress pretty nice (but casual) when we visit Russell, and we also know there is a dress code for visitors too. I was wearing a white tank top with a gray and white striped shirt with sleeves over it. You know the kind, right? So when the guard asked me if my outer shirt was attached to my tank, I gladly showed him that it wasn't, not thinking much about it and wondering why he was asking me. To our surprise, he quickly told me that I couldn't wear that shirt and we couldn't see Russell until I found something else to put on. Being two and a half hours away from Ft. Worth and not at all close to the nearest Walmart, we started panicking when the guard told us we could go to the hospitality house around the corner and they would provide a shirt I could wear. We hurriedly got back into the car and found our way to the house. 

Me in the lovely "clown shirt" outside the prison

Once inside the house, we met a precious lady named Yogi. We told her who we were and who we were visiting and that the guard sent us to her to get a different shirt for me to wear. She went to the back of the room and brought back a shirt. I referred to it as the "clown shirt" the rest of the visit as it was rather hideous, but beggars can't be choosers, so I thanked Yogi for letting me borrow it.    

She told us about the prison mission work she and her husband do. The hospitality house is their personal home, but it also provides lodging and food for those visiting a prisoner who live 300 or more miles away and cannot afford to stay at a hotel. Yogi said they have one lady who travels every weekend from El Paso to visit her husband. 

Once again, it's amazing the "road blocks" God provides for us at times. Because of my dress code violation and that "clown shirt," we have now made a connection with this wonderful woman, and she has added Russell's name to a mentor group for prisoners organized by her church.


When we finally got inside the prison, we were told where to go and that the guards would get Russell for us. The anticipation is always emotional when we are waiting to see him, but on this day it was even more so because it was his birthday. About five minutes passed when they finally brought Russell to us. The tough guy persona that is Russell in prison quickly disappears when he sees us. His eyes light up and this beautiful smile covers his face...especially when we shouted, "Happy Birthday!" I wish you all could see it. We thought since he was no longer in segregation he wouldn't be handcuffed when they brought him to us; however, he is at the bottom of the ladder, known as G5 status, and will remain that way for the next six months. So as long as he's a G5, they will bring him to us handcuffed and will take him from us handcuffed. When the six months is over, he will be free of the cuffs and will no longer have to remain in a little cage type room during our visits. We'll still be separated from him by glass, but he'll be in a more open area. We keep trying to encourage him to continue up the ladder so one day we can visit with him at the picnic tables, free from a glass partition. 


Our visit was really nice. We talked about the move and asked him how he found out he was being relocated. He said they told him the night before and that he needed to pack his belongings. He was only able to take one bag on the bus; the others he had to leave behind to be shipped later. He is still waiting for his other two bags. Beverly and I laughed as Russell told us that because it had been over two years since he had been in a vehicle, he got pretty car sick on the way to the new prison. He told us he wasn't excited about moving at first, but he has been adjusting and liking it pretty well. The food is better in this new prison and now he has a roommate. In a letter Beverly got from Russell soon after this visit, he shared with her how he learned that his roommate doesn't know how to read or write. Russell told Beverly that he is teaching him and asked if she knew of any phonics books that might help. Russell also said he hopes that teaching his roommate how to read and write is (in a small a way) how he can begin giving back to society.


Beverly and I also asked Russell about meeting with the Ad Seg board when his time in segregation was about to be over and it was to be decided if he was ready to return to population. He told us that he was taken in a room where he stood in front of the warden, assistant warden, and a sheriff. They asked him, "Why should we allow you to be in population? What have you done that shows you are ready to return?" Russell's response was genuine, and I think true as to what love can do to hearts in need. He said, "As long as I've been doing my time, I never really had a need to change, but now I have people who care about me and believe in me, and I want to do better for them." I guess those three people standing in front of Russell that day could see the change too, because they granted his request to return. 


Bev and I see it too. We see it when his smile lights up his face upon seeing us, and we see it in the sincere, "Thank you for coming to see me" we get when they tell us our time is up and we have to say goodbye. 

It has taken time, trust, and faith to get where we are today. We know we still have a long way to go with Russell, but we also know his heart, even if in a small way, is beginning to soften. Perhaps that's what happens when you know you are loved.

New Beginnings

     I love spring. I love the newness of the season, the blooming of the flowers, the sun staying out later. I love that school is almost over and the freedom of summer is within reach. It's also in this season that Beverly and I were hoping to get some pretty great news from Russell. News that we've been waiting for since we first reached out to him in September, and news he's been waiting for even longer.

Again, in his own words, is Russell's letter:

Mrs. Barfield,

"Hey, how's the wind blowing? (lol) Man I'm doing really good actually! Sorry you haven't heard from me in a few, but changes are in the making. (lol) Well one reason you haven't heard from me is because I have been waiting on the state classification committee to come from Huntsville. I thought they would come early in the month, but they didn't come until the end! (lol) On the 28th actually! But Yes! After 2 long years they voted to let me out to Population! :) I'm still in seg. right now, until all the paper work gets through to Huntsville so that'll take about 1 1/2 weeks but once that goes thru I'm going straight to 8 bldg. "G5". It's the bottom of the barrel, I have to work my way up, but it's cool with me." 
     On February 10, one of our precious and most beloved teachers was diagnosed with a brain tumor. In her last letter, Beverly told Russell about Judy and asked him to keep her in his prayers. We thought he would want to know since Judy taught Russell, even if it was for a short time. This next part of his letter just melted our hearts.

"Another reason is that I was sad when I heard about what happened to Mrs. Worrell! :(  How is she by the way? Well I have been trying, since forever to mail out a handkerchief with a "Get well soon" drawing on it but the "property lady" hasn't come by? :(  See, we can't mail big art work out thru regular mail channels, it has to go thru the Property, then the mail room. So as soon as I can get her to come by, I'll send it to you, so you can give it to her when it's convenient. Please keep it a secret till then, because I want it to be a surprise!" Jennifer, Alicia, and Sara...if you read this, don't tell your mom about Russell's "surprise" okay? :) Russell goes on to ask Beverly about the wedding she went to, and asks her if she saw any wildflowers. He tells her that he's been working on his drawing and is working with pencil. My husband, Jim has a friend who spent time in prison, and his art work is simply phenomenal! He says it's really rather easy to pick up and learn when you have a lot of time on your hands. I imagine Russell will become very good at it over the course of his years spent there. Russell's letter came right after the metroplex was hit with all of those tornadoes, so he asks, "Did you believe all those tornadoes that ripped thru DFW yesterday? It was storming bad over here. Real bad thunder & lightening! How is Mrs. Edmunds? Tell her "Hi" for me."
     This last part of his letter, albeit something small, ended up being a big joy for Bev and I. "Would it be possible to take a picture next time y'all visit? I don't think I'll be wearing a jumpsuit any longer. It'll be a 2 piece, if I'm not mistaken. I'm not sure how it is in G5, but I know population G4-G1- does. Well, I guess that's all for now. I hope y'all are okay and everything's allright! God bless & happy Easter."

Much love,
Russell A. Dow

So, life is pretty good right now. Spring is in the air, the flowers are indeed in bloom, the sun still shines into the late evening...and Russell no longer has to wear a jumpsuit.

Until next time.

Christmas Visit

     Beverly and I decided that we needed to get up to see Russell before Christmas, because it had been over a month since our first visit, and we knew with the holiday approaching and the new year beginning, it might be a while before we made it back. This time, we asked our friends, Barbara and Robin, if they wanted to journey to east Texas with us. Although Barbara and Robin wouldn't be able to get in to see Russell, since he can only have two visitors at a time, we thought it would be fun to make it a little girls' day trip. Robin had to be back in Ft. Worth by early evening for a friend's Christmas party, and we assured her that it would be no problem since we made it home before 6:00pm after our first visit. Little did we know when we set out early that Saturday morning, that our seven hour trip would turn into a 12 hour trip...and Robin missing her party.

    
     When we reached the prison around noon, our plan was to have Barbara and Robin drop us off at the entrance, and then let them take the car to do some shopping and sightseeing for the two hours we were visiting with Russell and then come back to pick us up. So imagine our surprise when we reached the guard gate and the guard motioned to a long line of cars also waiting to get in for visits of their own. Unbeknownst to us, the weekend before Christmas is always a crowded time. We asked the guards how long they thought it would be, and one of them told us it could take anywhere from 20 minutes to two hours to get in to see him.

We are the white car with its doors open. There were about four cars in front of us and three behind us.

We were so upset, because we knew if we stayed it meant Robin missing her party, and if we left, it meant not getting to see Russell for another three months or so. We apologized to Robin and told her we could leave if she wanted to. She was so gracious and told us that we came this far to see him, and we were not leaving until we had our visit. Beverly and I are so grateful to Robin for the sacrifice she made for us and Russell.
     For those who know the four of us, it doesn't take us long to meet and get to know people, and the prison guards were first on our list. We figured if we had to wait for a couple of hours, we might as well meet some new folks! We walked over to the guard stand and started talking to the guards. They couldn't believe that teachers were coming to visit a former student who was in prison. One of them told us that it was the first time in his years as a prison guard that he had ever seen that. We also met and visited with a precious couple who was visiting their son as well. They were ahead of us in the waiting line, and as soon as the guard gave us both the okay, we hopped in our cars. Bev and I told the couple that we'd see them inside. Barbara and Robin dropped us off at the front entrance, and Bev and I went all the way through security when we realized that we left our bag of quarters in the car. If you remember in one of my previous blogs, I shared that it is such a treat to be able to buy the prisoner you're visiting treats from the vending machines. Well, with no quarters, and no way to go back to the car since Barbara and Robin had already left and we had no way of calling them, Beverly and I about started to cry when we remembered the sweet couple visiting their son. We asked them if there was any way they could loan us some change since we left ours in the car, and we would gladly pay them back. Since we would all be leaving around the same time, it wouldn't be a problem to pay them back immediately. The lady told us that as soon as she found out what snacks her son wanted and bought those, she would give us some change. About two minutes later, she returned and told us we could have the rest of the money. We thanked her profusely, and we introduced her to Russell when they brought him out. 
     I think God purposely sets up little roadblocks in our lives from time to time, because Beverly and I realized that had we not had to wait the two hours or so to get in to see Russell, we wouldn't have met and visited with the guards and that darling couple, and we wouldn't have had any money to buy snacks for Russell, and I know it sounds silly, but that would have been devastating to us.

     We had such a great visit with Russell! We laughed about some of the penpals he's been communicating with via a prison website a friend of his enrolled him in, and how with one of the girls, he's become quite the  mentor/couselor to her! The three of us couldn't stop laughing at some of the things he was "helping" her with. We also learned more about Russell's childhood. He told us when he was younger, around nine or so, that his mother was on crack. He would take newspaper and go to the carwash to see if he could clean windows for a couple bucks or so. He said he always gave his mom the money he made. The last letter he got from her was almost a year ago. We are also learning more about prison life. Everything is a fight in prison, and Russell certainly isn't immune to that. For now he is rather safe because he's still in "seg" and doesn't have direct communication with other prisoners, but once he gets out into "population" in March, he won't be. He'll have to fight his way in population to prove himself and make his mark in an environment where no one remains invisible. He told us that where he is, the guards will allow them to fight it out for about 45 seconds, and they won't suffer any repercussions from it as long as they don't have any visible marks on them when they're done. It is a life Beverly and I could never imagine or understand, but it is Russell's life for many more years to come. All we can do is remind him that he is loved and continue being a source of positivity in his life. When the guard came to give us the ten minute warning, we got Russell another soda and tried our best to wrap up our conversation.
      Before we made this trip, Bev and I sent Russell Christmas cards. I sent him my family card we had made this year, and I enclosed a short letter telling him that my husband was a really good chess player and that Mr. Edmunds wanted me to tell him that he would love to play a game against him. Russell had mentioned in a previous letter that he played chess, so when Jim found that out, he asked me to ask Russell if he knew the algaebraic notation form, and if he did, he would love to play him. I reminded Russell about playing chess against my husband, and I told him that I would have Mr. Edmunds start the game. He said, "No way am I giving him the starting advantage. I'll make the first move against him!" It was so funny the way he said it. Bev and I still laugh!
     The guard came back and it was time to say goodbye. Russell got up and we all placed our hands on the glass. He then placed his hands through the slot of the door so they could handcuff him. We waved bye and watched him be led away. Once Russell was gone, the guard came back into the little visiting room and motioned for us to pick up the phone. When we picked it up, he said, "I want you two to know that it means the world for you to come see him." We thanked him and told him that we would see him next time too, and if he could just keep an eye out for Russell for us in the meantime, we'd appreciate it. 
     Right before we turned to leave, Beverly looked at me and said, "Lisa, we are invested in Russell." You know...we really are, and that's okay, because this is one investment in which Bev and I will gladly continue making deposits.

Faith

     I know it's been a while since my last blog. In all honesty, it took some time to sort of decompress our visit with Russell. Beverly and I had many sleepless nights afterwards, and when we'd see each other again, we would sort of reevaluate things and begin planning our next letters and visit. We have learned quite a lot throughout this journey. One thing we've learned is that we certainly aren't experts when it comes to prisoners or prison life. Because of this, we have had to lean on those with more experience and knowledge than us when knowing how to best approach Russell and his life in prison.

     Bev and I are nurturers. We can't help it; it's just who we are as mothers, teachers and friends. This isn't a bad thing, but it isn't necessarily a good thing when it comes to helping Russell either. We have been warned on so many occasions to be careful with what we tell Russell in letters and what we send him through the mail. One of the biggest pieces of advice we have received is in regards to money. Money is power in prison. If you have money or access to it, you can pretty much do or get anything you want in there. Money is typically given to prisoners through their family members. It is sent to them and placed in their "account." When they want little treats or to purchase items, they can use their money in the prison commissary. But money can also be used to buy cigarettes, drugs, and any other illegal items prisoners should never be able to have access to. Bev and I shuddered at the thought of Russell asking us for money, because as nurturers, it would be our instinct to run to the bank and make a deposit for him. Even though we admit to being nurturers, we aren't stupid either. We know Russell isn't on a field trip or on vacation; he is in prison for committing an awful crime. And we prepared ourselves in case he did ask. About a week later, Beverly received a letter from Russell. He thanked us for coming, and as we suspected might happen...he asked us for money.

     Together, we decided we would write him a letter in response to his request. We sought advice from our prison sources and began typing. We told Russell that we so enjoyed our visit with him, but that we were here to provide emotional support and moral guidance, not to give him money. We ended our letter by asking Russell that if this was not what he wanted, to please let us know and we would no longer be a bother to him. We anxiously awaited a reply from him, and honestly, weren't sure if one would come. About a week and a half later, one did come. And once again in his words, here is Russell's response to our letter:

Mrs. B,

"So how about those Rangers? They lost game 1 tonite, but we'll get it back! I just got the book about Josh Hamilton yesterday." There are very few things you can send prisoners, but books are one of them (if they're on the approved list). We decided we would start sending Russell inspirational books about people who have overcome difficult odds to get their lives back on track. Josh Hamilton's autobiography was our first. "I've only read about 50 pages, but it's real good. He had a real good start to life, & then to end up like that...Well anyways, I just got a letter from Mrs. Edmunds tonite addressing the question I had asked about financial help. I just want to say I'm sorry if I made either of you uncomfortable! :( That wasn't my intention in any way. I thank you for everything y'all are doing for me & even if y'all were only writing letters, I would still want to communicate with you, so in no way are you any kind of "bother" to me. I completely understand & respect what y'all are trying to do, & help me with. You & Mrs. Edmunds are one of the very few who have tried to help me in here. Everyone helps in different ways. In prison they don't talk to you no more. You know, in juvenile, they would have group and talk to us & try to help, but in here, they don't do that. You're basically on your own, & it's been that way the last 3 1/2 years I've been gone. You and Mrs. Edmunds stepping into my life is a blessing & it's good to have people close who want to help me be positive, especially since there's so much negativity around me, & most times it's hard not to become part of the negativity. So thank you." Beverly was sick with allergies when we went to visit Russell, so he tells her that he is glad she's feeling better. He ends his letter, "I just wanted to write a quick note & let you know how I felt. I'll close for now & God bless. Thanks again for the book!"

Respectfully,
Russell


Beverly and I have exchanged a couple of really sweet letters with Russell since this one. We told him that we are planning another visit, but that we probably won't be able to make it up there until the beginning of December. In his most recent letter, he told us that he wasn't sure if us coming in December was such a good idea...because he would worry about us driving on the ice. 

Perhaps our little mustard seeds are starting to take root.   

The Visit

     When I was younger, I believed that if a person had a true desire to change their life, they could. It didn't matter what environment they were raised in, or how crappy their parents were; if they wanted to have a better life and be successful, they just had to work for it. After reaching out to Russell, I don't believe that anymore. I think many people can change their life despite their upbringing, and many do. But for so many others born into undesirable circumstances, they simply can't. Russell is one of those.

     It took us a little over three hours to get to the prison. Located along a desolate country road, it stands wrapped in fencing that is encased in barbed wire. It jumps out at you like an enormous pitch fork with sharp prongs.
     We were stopped at the entrance by two officers who asked us to get out. I was told to pop my hood and trunk so they could be searched, and one of the officers asked for my driver's license. He then asked who we were visiting and what his number was. Prisoners all have a number...I have now memorized Russell's. Walking towards the visitor entrance, Beverly and I noticed many prisoners sitting at picnic benches with their loved ones. We knew we wouldn't be able to sit like that with Russell, because ours was a "no physical contact" visit. Once through the entrance, we had three more stops until we actually got to walk to where we would meet him. We were told to go to Seg 3, which is the little room they would bring Russell in for our visit.   
     Because Russell is in "segregation," he was brought to us with his hands handcuffed behind his back. Once inside the room, he had to place his hands through the slot in the door so they could unhandcuff him. To be honest, it was a difficult but bittersweet moment. When he saw us, his eyes lit up and he had this big smile across his face. You could also tell that he was embarrased we had to see him like that. Beverly and I couldn't help the tears. Our first reaction was to reach out and hug him, but that's impossible to do when glass separates you. Russell had told us in previous letters that he is still "rough around the edges." I'm not going to lie; he looks very rough. His head is shaved and he is covered in tattoos, (many of which we told him we want removed). When you go to visit a prisoner, you are allowed to bring up to $25 in change. Multiple vending machines await with overpriced "delicacies" that can be purchased and given to the prisoner you are visiting. Because they never get such treats inside, it is quite the joy for them to get to eat these during the visit. We asked Russell what treats he wanted, but he said he didn't know because he had never had any visitors. We told him what all was available, and he said it really didn't matter to him. He was just appreciative that we were there. I got up to get his treats while Beverly continued talking with him. She told Russell that we were going to ask a lot of questions, and if he didn't want to answer any of them, he didn't have to. He told her that he didn't mind answering our questions. All of the food that you buy has to be dumped out onto a plate and unwrapped. Once that was taken care of, I handed the guard the plate of food and went back to where we sat. The guards then brought Russell the plate. He wouldn't eat at first; I guess he felt weird eating in front of us, but we told him to eat because it would be a while before he'd get anymore junk food.
     One of the things we really wanted to know was if Russell felt any remorse for what he did. Our hearts grieve for the family whose life was taken by Russell, and we reminded him that he took away someone's son. I don't blame the victim's family for feeling hatred toward Russell. Beverly and I are mothers, and if something ever happened to one of our children, I don't know what we'd do. I don't know if that's something I could forgive. I'd like to think I could (eventually), but I'm not sure. I know it's hard for many people to believe, but Russell does feel sorrow for what happened. He told us the story of that night, and while the entire story of that tragic event is horrible, how Russell ended up in that situation at age 15 is just as tragic to me.
     Beverly and I asked Russell again if there was anything we could have done to prevent his situation. He looked at us and said, "No, Mrs. Edmunds and Mrs. Barfield, I don't think so." It's like he knew this would be his fate. Russell told us that he remembers his mom using drugs, and at ten, she would ask him to go out and find money. My son Caleb is ten, but I can't even fathom asking him to go wander the streets to look for money! Russell told us that his mom is now disabled and lives off welfare. We asked about his dad, but he told us that his dad has basically been in prison his entire life. He got out in '08, but went back in about six months later. I asked Russell if he thinks it would have made a difference if he would have had a strong male influence or role model in his life. He response was, "Yes, I do." That broke our hearts! The more Beverly and I thought about it, the more we came to a very clear realization: Russell never had a chance in this life. He had every odd stacked up against him from the moment he was born.
     We don't know what life will be like for Russell when he gets out. He has nine more years before he'll even be eligible for parole, and he told us that most prisoners with his conviction serve around 12 to 15 years before they are released. We know we have to be realistic regarding Russell's future. He will have spent the majority of his formative years behind bars by the time he's released. Beverly and I pray that this life he's living doesn't completely harden him.
     Visitation is two hours long, so when the guard came and told us that we had ten minutes left, we wanted to make sure we said everything we needed to before we said goodbye. Beverly looked at him and said, "Russell, we aren't leaving you and we aren't giving up on you." We told him that we love and care about him and that we will come to visit him again. I know many people think we are crazy to be doing this, and we may end up heartbroken in the end, but it's something we feel convicted about. I'm not sure why, but it is. 
     Like something we've all seen in movies, as Russell stood up, he placed his hand against the glass and emotionally said, "Thanks Mrs. Barfield and Mrs. Edmunds for coming to see me. I really appreciate it." We waved bye to him and watched him be led away. 
     We had a nice visit. One filled with tears, laughter, and many, many emotions.

  

A Little Bit of Laughter

     I love the honest and at times, humorous, naivety of children. My mom used to think when she was a little girl that a house that had a picture window was something spectacular! My ten year old son thinks if you live in a two story house, you must be rich. I guess I thought the same thing when I was young too. I told you in my previous blog that I had sent Russell a card with some pictures of us (his 6th grade teachers) on various trips we have taken and just a few of the many wonderful times we have been spent together as friends. Although I know he is legally an adult now, his response to our pictures still has a bit of that funny childlike naivety. And below is Russell's third letter to me.

Mrs. Edmunds,

"So how's the school year going Mrs. Edmunds? It's been real hot, but I'm just waiting on October. That's my favorite month because it feels the best. Well, I'm just here in short to let you know I got the card and all the pictures you shot me. Y'all look great! For some reason I always thought (when I was younger) that teachers never have fun! LOL!" Didn't we all think that as kids when we looked at our teachers? "Yea, I know, stupid right, but it looks like y'all have more fun than I've had! I mean, I don't even know what zip lining is! Looked cool though!" After I read that, it made me wonder what else he doesn't know about? I can imagine when you are confined in prison how much of the outside world you must miss out on.
     One of the pictures I sent him was a time when we traveled to Colorado Springs for Beverly's son's wedding, which was held at the Glen Eyrie castle. An estate that once belonged to William Jackson Palmer who founded the city. This is the picture below.

Russell continues, "So, in that picture of y'all standing in front of "a house," is that Mrs. Barfield's son's house? It looks like a castle! LOL! It's probably the most beautiful house (mansion) I've ever seen!" How can you just not grin and laugh a bit by that response? Still that young naivety inside him. "About time someone shot me some real pictures! It seems like everybody's afraid to shoot me pics of them chillin and havin fun. But I love to see that though. It don't make me feel sad or anything. Also, I put you and Mrs. Barfield on my visitation list. I'm just waiting for it to get approved. It usually takes a week or two. I assume you won't be able to make the trip down here right now because school just started, but just a little heads up. They take pictures up here the first weekend of every month. $3.00 a piece." He goes on to remind me that we can't bring paper money; only coins, and asks if I got the picture of him he included in the letter. He said it was of him when he was 16 still in county jail before he signed for his time. Then Russell closes his letter. "Oh, thank you for the card, and send my thanks to the other teachers who signed it. I'll go ahead and close for now, but I hope to see you soon. Have a good week."

Russell

     I called the prison about a week and a half after I received this letter and found out that we have been approved on Russell's visitation list. We aren't telling him, but Beverly and I are making the trip up there this Sunday. We thought we'd surprise him. Russell told Beverly in his last letter to her about the prison taking the pictures the first weekend of every month and how they cost $3.00 each. He put "expensive" in parenthesis after the amount.

     Don't worry Russell...we've got it covered. See you Sunday!

I'll share the trip with you all next week!







Honesty

     After writing the first letter, I wondered what all I could ask Russell in the next letter I wrote him. I wanted him to know that despite what he did, there are people in the world that think about him and care how he is. Russell told Beverly that he hasn't had a visitor in 2 1/2 years. I don't know much about having a loved one or even a friend in prison, but I can imagine how sad it must be to not have had anyone make an effort to visit you since you were 16 years old. Maybe I'm just naive to visiting standards in the prison system. With that said, here is Russell's second letter: 

Mrs. Edmunds,

"Hey, how are you doing? I'm just listening to my radio, there's a storm coming in so I'm picking up stations from all over Texas, even Arkansas and Louisiana! But anyways, I just got Mrs. Barfield's letter last night. I was real happy to get it, I sent her letter off this morning. Our mail is passed to us at night, so we have to wait till the next day to send it out. She sounds like she is doing good. It makes me happy that she really wants to visit me with you." I think Russell is so truly amazed that two of his teachers from way back in the 6th grade still remember and think about him. He goes on to say that once he has Mrs. Barfield's first name, he can put us both on his visitation list. "It will take a few weeks to get approved and with school starting I know that y'all will be busy, but I know that eventually y'all will be able to come visit. For some reason everything in prison is "hurry up and wait." I know he's allowed to have up to ten people on his visitation list, and visitation is every Saturday and Sunday for two hours. It makes me wonder if every weekend, Russell hopes one of the guards comes to get him because he has visitors. I guess he's been waiting every weekend for 2 1/2 years now. He goes on in his letter to tell me that he recently signed up on a pen pal website for prisoners and has been getting a few letters from that. He says that really helps the time go by fast.
     I told you all in my last letter to Russell, that I wanted to know what happened in his life that prison would be his home for the next 22 years. Here is what he said. "I know I deserve to be here, and I don't make any excuses for my actions. Mrs. Edmunds, you asked what went wrong...I really don't know. I believe it was the path I chose to walk. It was one everyone told me I would be on if I didn't change my ways, and you know what? They were right. You can't continue to do what I was doing and not end up in prison without making a concentrated effort to change. Me, I never wanted to. I went in and out of Juvenile, went to TJC and got right back out to do the same things. My mom tried to discipline me and set me right, but still I did what I wanted. The streets was all I knew and I didn't care to change. When you get older, things change, and you have all these regrets, but as a teenager, you think you know it all, right? I thought I did and sometimes think I still do! Guess I'm still rough around the edges! I have been out of trouble though going on a year and a 1/2!" I know Russell is still "rough around the edges." How would you not be when you've spent that much time in prison as a kid?
     When I told some of the teachers on my campus about how Beverly and I are reaching out to Russell, they were so supportive and wanted to know if they could give us any books to take to him on our visit. I asked Russell if he could receive books, and he told me that he can, but the prison prefers if the books come directly from the publisher or the bookstore instead of the US mail. He said, "They probably think that someone will try to put something in it, but if it's mailed from a bookstore or something, it's less chance of that!" He tells me that he loves to read and lists some of his favorite authors. He then says, "Please tell the teachers I said hi back. I still think it's crazy that you kept up with me like you did, but when you say you believe in me, I believe you." I wonder how many people told Russell they believed in him when he was younger.
     Russell tells me that in a month, he'll be going back to population. He has been in what's called "segregation" for the last year and a half because when he was in the youngster unit in Brazoria, TX, he got into some fights. He says, "This time in seg has taught me I don't have to do my time the hard way. That was one of the other problems of being 16 and in prison. You feel you have something to prove to everybody. Now I know it's not about that. Just one more thing I wish I would've known." There are a mountain of things I wish Russell could have known! Maybe even one of those things could have prevented him from ending up where he is. I know it's too late for that now, but Beverly and I hope it's not too late for the rest of his life.
     I ended my letter by telling him how the four of us, his core 6th grade teachers, take a trip every year together, and that I would send him pictures of us. He said he would love to hear about our trip and would love some pictures so he could put them in his photo album. He ends his letter, "I'll close for now, but it was really good to hear from you again! God bless and I hope to hear from you soon."

Russell

     Beverly and I went and got a couple of cards for Russell. I printed off several pictures of all of us on various trips and took the card to school. I had the other teachers sign the card, and each wrote a little messge to him. Six days later, I received a third letter from him with the funniest response to our pictures! Beverly and I couldn't stop laughing!
     Share with you all soon...
    

Russell's Letter

     When I first sent the letter off, I asked my husband if he thought Russell would write me back. Jim said, "Lisa, out of all the things that Russell has, he has time. He'll write you back." And like I said in the last blog, one week later, there it was; a letter from him in my mailbox. And in his own words, here is Russell's letter:

Hey Mrs. Edmunds,

"How are you doing? Yes, I remember you and Mrs. Barfield both. I can honestly say that I thought my eyes were gonna fall out of my head when I read who it was writing me, because I didn't recognize the name on the envelope. I never in my wildest dreams would've thought that one of my teachers from North Richland Middle would be attempting to get in touch with me! I mean I wasn't always on my best behavior, but it is a pleasant surprise to know that some of you do care. I think it's cool you chose to keep up with me, because English was always my favorite and best course. I finished English 1-4 by the time I was 15 years old. When I went to TJC in '06 I earned 15 1/2 high school credits by the time I was released in '07, so at 15 I was in the 11th grade, going to L.D. Bell High School. I was pretty proud of myself on that end. But unfortunately I ended up getting locked up again. I've got my G.E.D. now, I got it about 2 years ago in December. I also got all my high school credits, and I passed all my TAKS tests. But I don't know what happened with the diploma I was supposed to get. But I finished all of it though when I was in county. But anyways, education is good though. I haven't tried it yet, but I think they even pay for college in here too! I'm not sure what I would want to learn, but it sounds good either way." 
     Russell goes on to ask about school, and if I knew his cousins who went to North Richland. I knew one of them; she was on our team. He continues, "Well, as for me, as you know I signed for a 24 year sentence and they sent me to "Clemens" unit over in Brazoria, TX. That's a "youngster" unit, it has a pod for minors, there was about 100 of us under 18. Well, I stayed there for a little over a year, but since I had been getting into trouble, they sent me to this disciplinary unit. I haven't been in trouble for over a year and a 1/2 now or just about. I'm older now and not as young as when I first came in, and I've learned that I don't have to do my time the hard way. I've been in this unit for about 14 months. I just turned 19 on June 2nd."
     He just turned 19! Still just a kid in my eyes. As I read this to Jim, I could feel my eyes welling up as that same thought kept running through my head. The one that repeats over and over that he is still just a kid. A kid that made a horrible decision. "My family is doing allrite, but it seems like they don't have the time for me anymore. It's that "out of sight & out of mind" thing I guess. I'm not mad at them though, because I put myself here, so I can't go cryin when things don't go my way." 
     When we had Russell in 6th grade, he had a younger sister. In his letter he tells me that he now has four more younger sisters that his mom is taking care of by herself. He goes on to tell me about the friends that keep up with him every so often, sending him letters when they have the time. In my original letter, I told Russell that Mrs. Barfield and I would like to come see him, but I figured we would have to be put on his visitation list first. I wasn't exactly sure how that worked though. Here is the last part of his letter.

"I would really love to see you and Mrs. Barfield both, but would you really want to drive all the way up here to see me? I'm literally on the edge of Texas! Not as far as I was when I did time in Houston, but it's still a good 3 hour drive I think. If you would though, I would love to see you, I just need your names and addresses to put you on the list. Once I get that, I'll put you on the list ASAP!!!" I have to admit, that part made me smile! As I read the close of his letter, I couldn't help but to let the tears fall. "Well, I'll go ahead and close this out, so I can send it out. I just want to tell you thanks for caring. You and Mrs. Barfield both. This letter really meant a lot. I hope to hear from you soon."

Sincerely,
Russell

     Beverly received her letter from Russell a few days after this one. He told her that he hasn't had any visitors in 2 1/2 years. We couldn't believe it, but maybe it's not that hard to believe? I don't know, but I'm glad we're going to see him nonetheless. I think connections are important, and if we can make this connection with Russell regardless of the circumstances that brought him to this place, it will have been worth it.
     In my second letter to him, I asked him what went wrong in his life that this is now his home for the next 22 years. His response was simple, but honest.
     Until next time...

Seven Years Ago

     In my 17 year career as a teacher, I've taught well over a thousand kids. When you've taught that many students, it's honestly hard to remember all of their names and faces. And when they leave 6th grade, as you all know, they have a tendency to change in appearance...just a bit. I try to remember their names once they exit my 6th grade hall and venture on to new experiences as older and wiser kiddos, but sometimes it's just not possible. I do remember many though. One in particular, I'll never forget.
     Russell was 12 (or maybe 11) when he entered our 6th grade English and reading class. I could tell automatically that he was going to be a challenge, but after a few weeks of having him in class, it was a challenge my friend Beverly and I were up for. We knew he was smart from the beginning, and we reminded him about this constantly. It got to the point where we decided to put him into our Pre-AP honors English and reading class. I think he was excited. Excited about being in an honor's class? I'm not sure, but excited that two teachers knew he was smart enough to do the work and deserved to be there. Russell, like many of our other students, lived in an area where students are bussed to our school from a Section 8 housing complex. An area known by everyone in our district as a place the cops don't even venture into unassisted. A single mom and no father present in his life, Russell was up against many obstacles from the beginning. Beverly and I believed in him, and encouraged him daily to make the best of his life. When he left 6th grade, we continued that encouragement. As my friend Barbara says though, "When you're a 6th grader, your teachers aren't all that important to you."
     Russell continued on in school and continued getting in trouble. When he was in the 8th grade, I remember seeing him sitting in the office with his head hanging low. He had gotten in trouble, and I guess was waiting to see what his punishment would be. I told him that he knew where I was if he needed to talk. He told me, "okay," and that was it. 8th grade came and went, and we no longer knew what he was doing or where he was. Beverly and I thought about him often and wondered if he was okay. It turns out he wasn't. The next time we saw him was his mug shot on the news.
     As we soon learned, Russell was involved in a drug deal with five other boys that was actually a set up for retaliation against a guy who had broken into one of the boy's apartment. Another young man happened to ride along with the boy they were seeking retaliation against, and sadly, he ended up getting shot and killed. Russell pulled a gun and killed an innocent 19 year old. Russell was 15 years old. I would never condone what he did, because he had no right to do such an awful thing, but throughout the case, I couldn't help but to go back to one thing: He was 15 years old! Just a kid who I believe wholeheartedly, simply couldn't escape his environment. I know that doesn't make what he did an easier to accept, and my heart deeply goes out to the victim's family. I know many of you will view Russell as an evil, evil person, but Beverly and I don't. We see him as a kid whose environment was more powerful than he was. We kept up with Russell throughout the case and even talked to a reporter on several occassions. The last we heard Russell was tried as an adult at the age of 15 and reached a plea to serve 24 years in prison.
     Three years passed, and I still wondered how he was. After weighing on my heart for several weeks, I decided to find him. The last we heard he was still in Fort Worth, but I know that prisoners get sent to various prisons through the course of time, so I doubted he was still here. I went online and found his new location; a prison in northeast Texas. I decided to write him a short letter reminding him who I was and letting him know that Beverly (Mrs. Barfield) and I think of him often and wonder, even under the circumstances, how he is. One week later, I received a reply.
     I'll share that with you next time...