Hope

Seven years ago when Beverly and I first reached out to Russell and then traveled to New Boston, TX for our initial visit with him, we knew our relationship with (a then) 18 year old Russell would continue well beyond a two hour "behind the glass" visit.  We realized then that we were in it for the long haul.  We were truly invested in this kid we had grown to love since he was 12 years old and a student in our English and Reading classes.

Russell first entered prison, charged as an adult, when he was 15.  He just celebrated his 25th birthday on June 2nd and has now spent 40% of his life behind bars.  He is eligible for parole for the first time on February 19, 2020, which means he will have served half his sentence and be 27 years old.  Typically prisoners with his conviction don't make parole the first time, but there is a hope we hold in our hearts that he possibly will.  See, the longer Russell spends in prison, the more difficult (Bev and I feel) it will be for him to acclimate in the free world.  Having entered prison at 15, charged as an adult, has made Russell grow up pretty fast.  He mentioned this when we visited with him on Sunday. 

Russell doesn't normally talk about parole, but I suppose since it's now not that far off in the future, he is starting to think about it more and more.  Beverly and I always try to be real and very honest with Russell about the likelihood of him making parole this first time, but to be truthful, we hope he does.  Russell mentioned how different he is now that he's 25 and has been in prison the last ten years.  He talked about how he didn't know anything at 15, but sure thought he did, and how now he realizes how much time affects maturity and decisions made.  I had mentioned in my previous blog how Beverly and I were waiting for Russell to make it to G2 status so he could join us at the picnic table and we could finally have a contact visit.  Well, he did make it, and it was absolutely wonderful to be able to hug him and sit with him and visit without a glass barrier in between us.  Unfortunately our picnic table time was short lived, because Russell ended up getting into trouble and got his G2 status revoked, so for our last two visits, we were back to visiting him behind glass.

There always seem to be setbacks in prison; setbacks that are typically self-induced because of poor choices, idle time, and sadness.  This is what seems to get Russell into trouble, and why we haven't made it back to the picnic table yet.  One thing I can tell you is that when Russell does mess up, he cannot stand to let us know out of fear we will be so disappointed.  And I'm not going to lie, Beverly and I get very disappointed with Russell at times when he messes up, but one thing he knows for sure is that we never love him any less.  Because Russell has never had consistency in his life, I can imagine there is a fear that we will give up on and abandon him just like the majority of adults he's had in his life, but no matter how busy our lives get with grandbabies, work or school commitments, when we see Russell, we remind him that we aren't going anywhere, that regardless of the situation or the occasional setbacks, he's stuck with us. 

Last Sunday during our visit, Beverly got up to go get Russell another drink from the vending machine.  When she returned and put the phone back to her ear, Russell said to us, "I just want to thank you again for all you have done for me Mrs. Barfield and Ms. Edmunds.  You two are all I have, and I love and appreciate you."  The feeling is definitely mutual.  Russell has become a part of Bev and I.  We love this guy beyond words and have a positive hope for his future.  We know it won't be easy, and that Russell will need a strong support system and guidance when he does make parole, but  Bev and I are committed to him, and we are all three on this journey together.  

So, there is still work to be done, time to continue to be served, and most importantly...hope.